It may come as a shock to you all but from time to time Grandpa Lampshade has been accused of all sorts of sexism and misogyny. I know, hard to believe right?!
As a matter of fact, GPL loves the ladies, even 3D ones.
Whatever the topic, I always strive to do my best to speak the truth to it, no matter how unpleasant or uncomfortable that may be. In fact, when a topic makes people feel uncomfortable I have found that often times the best tactic is to be as brutal as possible so as to break through that barrier instead of trying to sugar coat it and dance around and make it sound not as bad as what it is. What women must understand is that the ones who are using them and treating them as disposable garbage are not those such as myself who are speaking the uncomfortable truth to you, it is that hook nosed serpent who keeps whispering sweet sounding words in your ear.
Think about it for a moment: has anything that the Jew promised you would make you feel empowered and bring you happiness ever actually done so? Forget for a moment how tempting and sweet his promises sound and take a look at actual tangible results. Where’s the happiness? After all, we only get one round on this earth so one would think finding as much happiness while you are here should rank as a top priority. I have encountered many a feminist on these tubes and I have yet to find one that anyone would ever describe as pleasant, much less happy. In fact, the best term to describe these women as a whole would be angry and bitter. But why though? Why are they so angry and bitter when for most of their lives they have been following the advice of those who keep telling them that this path is the road to fulfillment? Grandpa Lampshade may tell you things that offend you or emotionally trigger you and even though these things I tell you may make you feel bad remember this: I’m telling you the truth however unpleasant that truth may be. Let’s take a brief look at one of the latest lies being peddled by this kosher serpent.
What’s a bikini body anyway? Target is doing its part to eliminate the pervasive societal pressure to look like a supermodel in a swimsuit by proving that women of all sizes and shapes can look glorious in bikinis, monokinis, and everything in between — and have every right to feel fully empowered donning them.
There are so many lies in this opening paragraph alone that I could finish this article out without going any further. Let’s break some of this down, one by one. First, virtually no man actually expects the average women he runs into to look like a supermodel. In fact, when you look at these women who look like they have a heroin addiction it is actually unattractive. So the idea that there is some sort of pervasive societal pressure to look like a white version of a starving African is simply not true. Having a fit body is not “looking like a supermodel”. What they are presenting to you here is a false choice: the evil patriarchy expects you to look like an airbrushed model but you can’t ever do that so you need to embrace your fatness and not bother trying to be healthy and attractive because you can’t ever attain that level and you’re never going to be in a magazine. And people wonder why women who listen to these people are bitter and angry? I’m never going to be a world champion body builder either but that doesn’t mean I should eat junk food and lay on the couch until I weigh 300 pounds. Mothers used to advise their adult daughters not to wear certain outfits because they simply didn’t have the body for it. Was mom trying to be a bitch? No. Mom was trying to keep you from embarrassing yourself in public. That’s what love is. Caring about you is not telling you, “Oh you look great in that!” while all the while knowing that everyone who sees you is snickering at you when you’re not looking. Finally, if you need to feel empowered by what kind of swimsuit you are wearing, I would venture to say that you need to find a deeper meaning in your life.
This is not empowering. This is gross.
In its #TargetSwim campaign to promote its new swimwear line, which includes “suits for every beach body under the sun,” according to its corporate site, Target has teamed up with a diverse group of body-positive models.
Body-positive = fat bitches. Don’t forget, Target is the same bunch that was at the forefront of letting men share changing rooms with you.
Also fronting the campaign is plus-size model Denise Bidot, who recently made a splash when she starred in a Lane Bryant campaign featuring un-retouched images that proudly displayed her cellulite and stretch marks.
She only made a splash if she did a cannonball off the low diving board. I say low diving board because if it were the high diving board there wouldn’t be any water left in the pool.
In an unretouched photo for the #TargetSwim campaign, Bidot is flashing a bright grin and the peace sign as she wears a high-waisted bikini like a second skin.
It’s like a second skin because that material is begging for mercy.
This is what you call XXXXXXXL sized empowerment.
Women often act as though men are a mystery. I find that even women who have been married to their husbands for years will at times feel uneasy, like they really aren’t sure what he likes or doesn’t like. I’ll admit, we men are partially to blame for this. Husbands especially usually don’t want to deal with the hassle that they know will inevitably come from telling you the blunt truth. Thankfully, you have Grandpa Lampshade to deliver that truth to you in his stead. You may be thinking, ‘But Grandpa Lampshade, you can’t speak for my husband’. Yes, I can speak for your husband. You see, men really aren’t very complicated at all. My advice to wives has always been the same simple two part advice: don’t be fat and don’t be a bitch. Does this sound simplistic? Of course it is because men are for the most part, simplistic. When I say don’t be fat, I’m not saying that your husband expects you to look like some airbrushed bitch from a magazine. The fact of the matter is that as you age your husband will still see that young woman that he met years ago when he looks at you because you’ve aged gradually over the years together. You know what fat is. If you look in the mirror or step on the scale, you know if you’re fat or not. Don’t make your husband lie to you to try and spare your feels by asking him. Likewise as to the second part, you know if you’re being a bitch or not. Nobody including your husband expects you to have a perfect day and be all smiles all of the time. However, stop and take a serious evaluation as to your overall outlook on life in general. Do you complain all of the time about everything? How often do you smile during the day? Are you angry all of the time? These are things you need to ask yourself, not your husband. Now for some more brutal truths: your husband would rather fap to pictures of hot girls than have sex with a fat woman and if you’re a constant bitch he would be happier if you left. If you have a negative reaction to this plain truth then the problem is with you, not the patriarchy or your husband. These are just plain simple truths and no amount of protesting or wearing clothes that don’t fit you or some other nonsense is going to change that. It will just make you more bitter and more angry until one day you wake up to realize that your life has passed you by and you’ve wasted it chasing a lie that led you to nothing but winding up being bitter and alone.