I’m not one to be defeatist, you all know that but sometimes you realize when you take a look across the battlefield that you are so vastly out matched and outgunned that the only choices are retreat or surrender. This isn’t to say that there is no hope for the future but I think we may need to seriously reconsider our position and decide where to go from here. Pressing forward with our current strategy is only going to lead to failure in the face of this fierce opponent.
Lana Del Ray has admitted using witchcraft to try and cast a spell on President Donald Trump.
Don’t feel bad if you had to Google to see who this bitch even is. You’re not the only one.
Back in February, witches protested against the Republican by trying to hex him with the aim of stopping him doing harm and trying to banish him from office.
LEL Well, that’s worked well so far.
It was not an exclusive witches-only event wither, with Wiccans, shamans, Heremeticists, cunning folk, sorcerers and sorceresses, hoodooists, occultists, magicians, Ceremonialists and Ritualists all invited and urged to take part.
Who the hell are “cunning folk”? I want to know because I can’t help but get a vision of it being some witch version of jews.
Oh look, the cunning folk have arrived.
The mass binding took place under a crested moon, and only required a handful of household objects and a chant denouncing Trump and his supporters.
So that’s what that was. I thought that was just that greasy plate of enchiladas tearing my stomach up. I had no idea that witchcraft had been used on me.
Among the objects required to complete the spell were an unflattering photo of Trump, a tiny orange candle, a Tower tarot card and bowls of water and salt.
Witches also brought a pin, which was used to carve Trump’s name on the candle.
Once the first step was complete, the items were arranged around the Trump picture in along with a feather, a white candle and an ashtray or dish filled with sand.
From there, a prayer for protection was said by all participants before they launched into the chant.
Didn’t that jew Shia LeBeouf already try this chant thing and got trolled by 4chan to the point of snapping and going insane?
It is not clear whether or not the world-famous singer took part in the ceremony or whether she cast a spell on her own accord.
Perhaps the lack of results is because we’ve been countering it all this time with a spell chant of our own. It goes something like this: “Gas the kikes, race war now”.
Looks more like they were getting ready to shoot up with heroin to me.
In one part of the chant, those attending were told to sing: ‘I call upon you / To bind / Donald J. Trump / So that he may fail utterly / That he may do no harm/To any human soul.’
The second verse tackled different issues, with the lines: ‘Bind him so that he shall not break our polity / Usurp our liberty / Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair.
Results so far?
The chant also tore into Trump’s supporters, saying: ‘Bind them in chains / Bind their tongues / Bind their works / Bind their wickedness.’
Oh shit. Seriously there is more fail here than the feminist Ghostbusters reboot.
After chanting, the orange candle was the used to light President Trump’s photo on fire.
To close things out the phrase ‘So mote it be!’ was repeated three times and the candle was blown out.
We even do magic better than these faggots and slags.
Witches were then ordered to ground themselves after the ritual before disposing of the candle.
Somehow I can’t help but imagine doing this with a set of jumper cables.
The organized protest in February was said to be the first of the monthly rituals, with one scheduled to take place every Friday of the crescent moon until President Trump is out of office.
But if this were effective, wouldn’t you only have to do it once?
Even back in February Lana Del Ray supported the movement, posting a photo on her Twitter account listing the planned dates for the mass binding spell along with where the find the details to participate in the fun from the comfort of your own altar at home.
You’re own alter at home? Yeah I think we’ve all got one of those. The difference is we’re not raging at ours, we’re smiling and laughing and having fun.
Some witches are growing concerned however as the event draws near, and taking issue with whether or not the binding spell is appropriate because they do not believe it comes from a place of love.
I’d be more concerned that the internet Nazis will find out where you’re holding it and grab hold of this golden troll opportunity.
In a post on Medium, self-described occult enthusiast Casey Evans also pointed out that there was more fun to be had after the ritual………….
Oh shit, this ought to be good.
‘And immediately following the binding, it will be, in any time zone, an Hour of Mars. At 12:04 AM, cusping from the Hour of Saturn just before, both are great for curses, and calling forth the elements and spirits of the Underworld.’
So yeah, this is what we’re up against men. Anyone who understandably doesn’t feel they are up to the task of taking on an enemy who is able to conjure up the spirits of the underworld might want to go ahead and get out now. Never mind the fact that this whole ritual thing has worked never, this isn’t going to stop them from pressing on. However before you retreat in fear, I would remind you that we have magic of our own: meme magic. In all seriousness take a moment to scientifically study which has been more successful so far: their magic or ours. As it turns out: their magic is just about as dank (and effective) as their memes. As for Grandpa Lampshade, I’ve got to go. I was just about to conjure up something really dank from the Memeworld. Someone’s got to keep countering these
bitches witches and stopping these kikes.